Friday, April 16, 2010
I can't sleep
I don't think its that i can't actually sleep. Its like I won't allow myself to. I feel as if this would we be okay if I were actually doing something constructive. I have always I feel been more creative in the wee hours of the morning. Sadly however, not in recent years. I feel I lack inspiration , direction and drive. It's 5:53 am, I will probably turn off the computer shortly before 7:00 and be fast asleep within seconds. I will wake up around 1:30, maybe do laundry or lay around the house till 4:30. then I will go cook and wash dishes till 11:30. consequently, lately I am terrified of getting pink eye from dirty dish water. Once I thought I had AIDS cause my chest and neck were really itchy for like 3 months with no visible rash and it turns out if you google AIDS symptoms... EVERY FUCKIN THING IS A SYMPTOM! . Then I decided it was because I was drinking dos xx at work so I switched to miller light and it was still going on so i ran the gammet ( no idea on how to spell that, apparently neither does spell check.) for a bit and the day I decided to give coors light a shot....my friend Angye shows up at work and she tells me that she has sensitive skin cause shes gettin older and she has had to quit using fragranced detergents and soaps. I says to myself, "shit, I'm gettin older." . Anyway, I stuck with coors light and kicked out the fragrance except for my friend old spice. Which brings me to this. If I don't drink, I don't sleep. Not because I can't but I think because I won't. I can pretty much fall asleep on command but I really hate telling myself to do stuff. So, I blame the internet and alcohol and Netflix (which the selection of watch instantly movies for the most part is pretty piss poor. I just like to tell myself it's not. I spend more time trying to decide which movie I have little or hardly any desire to see or that I've seen a million times already or whatever, theres a few good things. I really like "I like killing flies.) I used to be creative and inspired before this shit was around or consumed so much of my life much. What happened? Anyway, you should check out John Wesley Coleman III debut album Steal My Mind. its got alotta great fuckin songs on it one of em's called "I cant sleep."